Am I Compelling or Dazzling?
5 Life Lessons & Secret Messages that Summarize My Life
Context: Each year has a “life lesson” that I feel I have unearthed as I’ve lived through them. Underneath the year, there is a Taylor Swift song with its respective hidden message displayed. I consider both statements when revealing my thoughts and experiences at different times of my life.
2012: If you put in the effort, you can change your life’s course.
Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) – “Sometimes, love is forever”.
When I was 12 years old, I was both naïve and driven. One of my friends recently called it “hyperfixated”. I think I just wanted a way to escape my problems, circumstances, and lack of wealth. I always had the thought I would be a doctor, become rich, and be able to make sure my family lived comfortably. My mom, a good amount of time before the end of her life, wanted me to dismantle that mindset but also wasn’t bothered that I still maintained it to an extent. She wanted me to do what would make me happy. My neuroses, resistance to the idea of change, and lack of exposure to the world have been both my surreal prison but also my identity. Life had a narrative. My mom dreamt a narrative. I lived by and gave into the narrative. But even if imperfect, I know love was the basis of this narrative. And this love my mother bestowed upon me is still my guiding light for both even now and the future afterwards. Now, I just mature, grow, and uncover a more complete view of how my mother loved me throughout our lives.
2014: True friendships last forever.
Treacherous – “Won’t stop till it’s over”.
I’m always hesitant when it comes to friends. This may seem odd as I am always overjoyed to meet someone new and initiate a friendship. But when a friendship in my life becomes significant, there is a level of vulnerability and genuineness that I hope becomes mutually shared and appreciated. Some friendships in my life have come and gone. The ones that were unresolved or ended badly sting the worst. But I don’t forget the people who have impacted me, for better or worse. I believe in the power of friendship, and one of the things I hate most in this world is lost causes. I never want to be that person who loses someone due to inaction. Dynamics of a friendship may change or shift, but I hold them to be sacred.
2018: Faith in God transforms you.
White Horse – “All I ever wanted was the truth”.
One thing about me that is important to me is that I love the Triune God and his Catholic Church. My life before I took faith seriously was unrealized and the development of my character ran parallel to my faith journey. God will change you, if you let him. If Jesus Christ of the Gospels is who he says he is, then everything in your life has to change. I desire to love God as I ought to! When it comes to loving people as I ought to though, things become murky. You can never truly be sure of someone, yet the foundation of human societies are relationships based on mutual trust and support between human beings. The tension between altruism and personal gain haunts me. We only “know” others based on our perceptions of them. God sees to the heart of people. Perception assumes but reality will only give you the truth. I don’t know anything about the people I love. I want God to tell me what I need to know about the people I love. What is the truth? What do people really feel about me?
2021: A good leader prepares everyone for their exit.
You Belong With Me – “Love is blind, so you couldn’t see me”.
My university experience was very formative and influential for me. I am only beginning to unpack how it affects me to this day. Shifting your perception of life post-graduation can be a train-wreck and that was the case for me. I did not know what to expect. I missed my friends and community at OSU the most. I wondered if they really wanted to get to know me authentically. And for a few, I wondered if they would have wanted to love and live life with me. A million daydreams and eternities spent thinking which man could be meant for me… But I prepared my peers for my eventual exit from my main university extracurricular involvement. I stuck with the program of how I thought life should progress and transitioned my way from OSU to Toledo, OH. Just know I didn’t exactly hit the ground running. And I certainly didn’t address anything romantic. I stuck with the program!
2023: Love is your teacher, grief is the lesson.
Clean – “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow, that was everything”.
The obvious has been said or written about. Sometimes, you don’t have to go very far to find out something new or rather, repressed about yourself. A simple conversation, scene from a movie, or lyric in a song will lead to the oddest breakthroughs serendipitously. The more you lose, the more you can stand to gain. When caring for my mom, I approached God in prayer empty-handed. When I lost her, I was once again, even more empty-handed. But somehow there was still more to discover about others, the world around me, and myself. Even after it felt like the world had stopped and that I had died. There is always something to mine. Everything has changed and it is equally fascinating as it is horrifying how my worldview has developed. I’m still trying to find myself. Grief will lead you to growth, love will bring you to fulfillment.
Sincerely,
Anthony Abadia-Fuentes